Archive for category just fun…
I often remind my wife that 90% of all shark attacks happen in 6 feet of water or less. Naturally, she tries to explain to me the logic behind this shocking statistic, namely that most humans, when inhabiting the ocean, are in the 6 feet of water or less. Naturally, her “logical” response is mere rhetoric intended to lure me into the salted pool of death that many associate with “fun,” “relaxation,” and “vacation.”
I am pro-life. If I want to be consistent then I will be pro-my-life and pro-her-life as well (furthermore, no man ever yet hateth his own flesh). So, when given the opportunity to swim in the ocean, I naturally and with great intelligence choose life. Therefore, since I choose life, I will not be lured into a situation where my limbs and organs are dangled as fish-bait in front of a slew of almost-half-ton, stealthy, razor-blade-teeth-equipped monsters of the sea. I’ll bring my towel and a good book, thank you very much, and curl up on the warm, sandy beach, perhaps allowing the waves to roll up and hit my feet (although there’s a hint of danger there as well), while I sip one of those lemonades with the little umbrella in it.
Here’s my top five reasons to avoid swimming in the ocean:
5. It takes two or three showers to finally get clean from all that sand and salt.
4. These live in the ocean. And they happen to think that we taste good. We are their Oreo’s. Get the picture?
3. Have you ever seen Jaws? Neither have I. But that movie looks pretty scary.
2. This happened this week. My dog playfully nibbles on me from time to time, even licking my face. I live to see another day. When sharks playfully nibble, you go to the hospital. When they lick your face, you die.
1. I’m sure this picture is 100% authentic, and not a product of any photo editing. This should convince you, like it did me, to stay out of the ocean.
If you’ve seen the Princess Bride, you know the line, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” Perhaps the following from Philosophical Foundations of a Christian Worldview does not correspond exactly to the interchange between Inigo Montoya and Vizzini, but nonetheless, it demonstrates an unusual usage of a common phrase.
Since the late 1960’s Christian philosophers have been coming out of the closet and defending the truth of the Christian worldview with philosophically sophisticated arguments in the finest scholarly journals and professional societies.
I recently had a conversation with a pastor who suggested that we should get some guys together and go through the hymnal (Majesty Hymns), discarding songs that don’t reflect our theology as well as songs whose melodies should really be buried in a large hole and then covered vigorously with dirt, lots of it.
The first one on my list is The Church’s One Foundation. One of the last verses mentions the Church’s “mystic sweet communion.” I’m really not sure what this meant at the time of writing, but am pretty sure I don’t believe what it means now!
How about you, which songs would be on your list and why? Be sure to include the perspectives you’re writing from (Dispensational, Covenant, Arminian, Calvinistic, etc).
1. As I’m writing this, I have 16 days, 19 hours, and 48 minutes until the marriage ceremonry begins. I was reading this verse today from Deuteronomy 24:
When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.
I really like that verse! A year just isn’t very practical — but I am going to use it to justify a sabbatical from blogging from about December 20th to about January 7th or so. After all, sometimes the wars on here get kind of intense.
I am preparing several posts in advance — thanks Verity for taking care of the blog for me while I’m gone!
2. Sunday night my church surprised Emiley and I with a party in honor of our wedding! They gave us cake and ice-cream, along with a Christmas tree with money as ornaments (huge blessing). We then spent some time getting advice, sharing stories and stuff…it was awesome and we felt so loved!
3. Emiley and I are going to the Outback Bowl on our honeymoon! I was born in Tennessee and Emiley was born in Wisconsin — naturally, the game is Tennessee vs. Wisconsin. What an incredible girl she is — excited about a football game, on our honeymoon at that! We may just have to venture over to Outback Steakhouse after the game for a bloomin’ onion and a medium-rare steak.
4. We have about 18 inches of snow down — the low profile rims and tires on Chica (my 1997 Honda Civic — a legend — that used to belong to a nice spanish lady before she got it impounded for going 30 over without a lisence or insurance) are giving me some struggles when I have to drive before the snow plows come.
5. My buddy Jeremy is finally coming home from Saipan on Saturday! Weather permitting, I will see him at church on Sunday morning! Wahoeey! On a funny side-note, he recently took the E-harmony test that measures all those dimensions of compatability — good thing he found Anna already — he failed the test! You’ll have to read his blog…Dr. Neil Clark Warren really let him down.
Here’s the game. Read the following quotes and give yourself a score on how many you disagree with (you are not saying you disagree with me, but rather with the quotes in question).
1. “The Bible is one f______ scary book.” – Tony Jones, national coordinator of the Emergent Villiage (www.tonyj.net). I encourage you to comment on Tony’s new blog and let him know what you think of his statement.
2. Steve Chalke and Brian McLaren have both suggested that the subsitutionary view of Christ’s atonement is like “cosmic child abuse.”
3. Rob Bell in Velvet Elvis, “I have been told that I need to believe in Jesus. Which is a good thing. But what I am learning is that Jesus believes in me.”
4. Steve Chalke in the Lost Message of Jesus: “God affirms the orginal goodness of mankind.”
5. Rob Bell in Velvet Elvis, “God has an incredibly high view of people.”
6. “The problem, I think, at least in the Christian tradition, is that grace always seems to have no meaning apart from sin. The two concepts are always linked. Its not that I think sin is a myth or that everyone is perfect; it’s just that I believe linking grace to sin detracts from its beauty and intensity.” Spencer Burke, Heretics Guide to Eternity. Hmm, that’s an interesting position in light of Titus 3:3-4, 1 Corinthians 6:10-11. and 1 Timothy 1:13-14.
7. “Because in the kingdom of God, fun and play are important things…because in the kingdom of God, dignity and pride are also important things.” Brian McLaren, The Secret Message of Jesus.
8. “Moses was what we might call a revolutionary political leader and liberator, a cross perhaps between George Washington and Nelson Mandela.” So, in light of Hebrews, Jesus is not a better mediator than Moses; rather, He is a better revolutionary – a better cross between Washington and Mandela?
9. “. . We are already in unless we want to be out. This is the real scandal of Jesus. His message eradicated the need for religion. It may come as a surprise, but Jesus has never been in the religion business. He’s in the business of grace, and grace tells us there is nothing we need to do to find relationship with the divine. The relationship is already there; we only need to nurture it. Of course, growing up, I had a much different concept of grace. I grew up in an environment where grace was described as ‘unmerited favor.’ The only problem was that getting this ‘unmerited favor’ still required doing something – namely, ‘asking Jesus in your heart’ or praying a prayer.” Spencer Burke, A Heretics Guide to Eternity.
10. Steve Chalke suggests that the following from a children’s VBS is not the gospel:
(1) God created me. (2) I am a sinner. (3) Jesus came to die for me. (4) Until I accept him as Lord and Savior I cannot receive the abundant life God has for me.
He then presents what he believes is the gospel:
(1) Jesus explained that God loves them unconditionally. (2) God longs for them to be part of his plan for creation. (3) Jesus teaches that no-one can keep them from this destiny except their own decision. (4) Jesus’ death and his resurrection form the dead prove that he was telling the truth so we can trust him.
How many did you disagree with out of 10? Here’s the scale; call me harsh if you must:
0-3/10: I’d bet my money that you are emergent/emerging. If you don’t like the label and consequently won’t fess up to it, you’re proving my point.
4-5/10: I’d call you a soft evangelical with very little biblical/theological discernment.
6-8/10: You probably like to think of yourself as balanced. After all, Jesus was balanced right?
9/10: You are a fundamentalist or a conservative evangelical, but you thought I was unfair with one of the quotes above. I can deal with that.
10/10: Congratulations; you agree with me. What does that make you?